It all starts from the moment of conception (or not). The birthing classes, books, society, and that little voice inside your head. The lies start pouring in about what motherhood will be like and what a woman “should” feel. These are some of the biggest lies that I have been told over the last nine months.
Your Birth Experience Is Up To You (The BIGGEST Lie)
I wish our American society would quit telling women that childbirth is something that a woman has control over. This would allow for a openness. When women go through traumatic shit (no nice to put that) like unplanned pregnancy, losing a baby, miscarriage, abortions, infertility issues, adoption, en vitro, c-sections, genetic abnormalities, martial issues and the list goes on to the unimaginable. Women often go through these experiences alone. Genetics, God and modern medicine have more control than a woman could ever dream of having. When deciding to have a baby expect the unexpected and lower your expectations. Healthy lifestyle choices are only preventive care and not meant to “cure” infertility issues. None of the issues stated above make the woman at fault. If you have a friend going through it, spare her the advice. She has been doing her own soul searching.
After Giving Birth You Will Be In Love
If this is picture does not resemble what you felt after child birth than you are normal! Many women experience fatigue after a long labor and feel more relief it is over. One-in-three births, in the US, end in a c-section and most women are not prepared for it which only adds to distress. Some may be on mind altering drugs from delivery. Post postpartum depression can strike any woman and this will make it harder to form an attachment to the baby. The point to all of this is that many women do not have “instant love” that is seen in movies. Loves grows with time.
Your Life Is Over (The Second Biggest Lie EVER Told)
Half of all pregnancy in America are unplanned. Which would make this quite possibly the second biggest lie told to women. It is part of this fear culture around the unknown and unexpected. While pregnant I fell in love, had new experiences with my body, slept a lot, quit smoking, traveled, learned a new language, worked, had two baby showers, made new friends, lost some friends, migrated to Europe, got married, became closer to my family, started this website, and prepared space to have a baby. So yeah, it is safe to say life does not slow down after having a baby. People create there own lives. It is all about perspective. Playing the blame game leaves a woman in less control of her life. This website is about empowering women. People should prioritize what they want out of life; with or without children.
Breastfeeding Is A Choice
Well maybe for some and if bottle feeding is for you then OWN IT! People assuming that this is the best choice for all women and babies are being unrealistic. There are many health and emotional concerns that need to be addressed first. No apologizes or tears needed when someone asks “Are you breast feeding?”. While it is okay to have these moment in the privacy of your home/doctor office; scrambling for excuses only makes a woman appear weak. After nine months of pregnancy/child birth a woman should feel confident in her strength and finding a graceful automated response to this question should be walk in the park. Just try to remember that most people are not trying to be hurtful or judgmental. When coming up with your automated responses; keep it light, simple and confident.
You Will Love Being A Mom
If this picture does not resemble the way you feel about motherhood than you normal, lol. Being a parent is a big responsibility. There are certain stages of life a child may go through that parenting will be harder. It is okay to miss parts about the life once lived before children. Somedays it will be about keeping your head above water until you reach a point where life is enjoyable again.
Bonding Should Happen Right After Birth
Shit happens, that is mostly what I have to say about that. Do not over think those first few moments of life. Skin-to-skin contact is incredibly important after birth, no question about it. For some people, this simply will not be possible. What matters is a healthy mother and baby. Once everyone is safe and sound there is the promise of many sleepless nights ahead when mom will be in-charge. Again, loves grows with time and bonding will take place.
I am sure that there are many lies that you have been told about motherhood. Please, feel free to share them in the comments below. Every birth story is different and no one gets a “perfect” story. For a story to have a good plot there has to be trials and error. These were just some common lies that I was told during my pregnancy.